A Spalding man who has neurodiverse children has written a book about how he and his family have coped.
James Wand hopes that by self-publishing Autism and ADHD – A Father’s Perspective, he’ll help other parents overcome the many challenges he and wife Emily have faced.
Their 13-year-old daughter Mia suffered many issues, particularly with school, and she was diagnosed with autism and possible ADHD at the age of ten.
Nine-year-old George has a diagnosis of ADHD and currently on the autism pathway, while three-year-old Finley hasn’t been diagnosed as yet, but James believes his youngest shares all the characteristics of both conditions.
He says the family’s journey led to him suffering mental health issues as he questioned how good a parent he was.
“It took a while for Mia to be diagnosed,” he said. “Primary school was always very challenging for Mia and her needs were often overlooked.
“Even when we took her to a doctor seven years ago, it took four years before she was diagnosed because no-one could see her behaviour or traits behind closed doors. The issue was also complicated with the waiting lists for assessments being too long.
“She was achieving great grades and attendance but it was at the detriment to her own health.
“Nobody else in the family had been diagnosed at that point so we didn’t know how to deal with it.
“Now I look at myself and show some of the traits while George is very similar to me.
“We knew very early on with Finley even though he hasn’t been diagnosed as yet.” James describes schools as having to ‘tick a lot of boxes’ but Mia and George needed something more suited to their needs.
“The education system is outdated and is not responding to a shift in varying needs of children,” he said. “The rates of children unable to attend school or with insufficient support is frightening, and the situation is not going away.
“You could see Mia losing her belief and confidence.
“We had so many years of people telling us she was OK and fine in school.
“She’d never had her true feelings validated and that eats away at your self confidence.”
Mia is now home tutored while George attends school for an hour a day. James says they’re responding well to not being in a classroom environment, but it is a lot for Emily to have to deal with while James works as a plumber.
“We feel like we’ve been misunderstood by a lot of people,” he continued. “Not many understand what we have had to deal with as a family.
“Everyone has a preconceived image of what autism and ADHD looks like. They expect a certain level of need or a special power but it’s not like that.
“I want to raise awareness as neuro-diverse people need more compassion and empathy. It’s too easy for people to go ‘it’s not my problem’ or ‘they’ll be ok’.
“It can be a very isolating experience for children and their needs go unsupported, and also us as parents.”
James started writing as part of treatment for his own mental health issues.
“I felt like a failure,” he said. “I think men are expected to just deal with things and not talk about their issues.
“I was struggling to come to terms with it and wondering if it was down to my failure as their father and husband to Emily.
“I found myself disappearing down a black hole, and that’s why I decided to write the book.
“It really helped me talking about my mental health.
“Hopefully people will read the book and realise they aren’t the only ones who’ve been through what we did as a family. I also hope people in positions of authority can see how big of an effect this can have on a family.”
Autism and ADHD – A Father’s Perspective is being published as part of World Autism Acceptance Week on April 4 and is available to pre order in locations including Amazon, Waterstones and Barnes and Noble.
