I’m not sure what I was expecting ahead of Fifty Shades of Grey.
As somebody with no interest or prior knowledge of the popular erotic romance novels by E.L. James, I had it in my head that I was off to see some kind of soft porn flick.
As it turns out, that would have been preferable than the reality – which is basically an 18 version of Twilight’s intolerable love story (minus the whole Vampire thing).
However, much like Twilight, there’s a lot to be said for hype – and Fifty Shades certainly has that in abundance. Indeed, I’ve never seen Boston’s West End cinema so packed out on a Monday night.
So, in the interest of fairness, I’ll do my best to provide a bit of perspective in my review.
If, like me, you need bringing up to speed on the story (and I use that term lightly), here goes.
As a favour to her wannabe journalist roommate, young English Literature student Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) undertakes an interview with billionaire entrepreneur Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan).
Their meeting leaves both pretty smitten and leads to a ‘romance’, which soon escalates. That’s right, Mr Grey has ‘different’ sexual preferences, which include bondage, dominance, submission and S&M.
Of course, that’s not quite how sweet Ana imagined her first love to be – and the film follows the struggle between two different ways of thinking.
There’s really not a lot more to it than that – which makes the 125-minute running time seem more like two hours of torture.
The first thing that struck me about Fifty Shades is that it’s not actually that graphic. I presume it’s massively toned down from the book, but there’s nothing here that will really shock you.
I’m sorry, but the plot is pretty laughable too. To be fair to them, Johnson and Dornan don’t do that bad a job – but even they seem a little embarrassed by what they are actually saying.
At times, it’s actually funny how bad the film is.
However, it already looks like the Sam Taylor-Johnson directed offering is raking the cash in – and I imagine the two sequels will too.
So while this is the worst film I’ve ever seen at the cinema, it seems Mr Grey’s fans are lapping it up.
Voice Verdict: 4/10
+ A good payday for cinemas
– Awful, ridiculous story
– Not really that shocking
– Too long
Showtimes at West End Cinema, Boston (Friday, Feb 20 to Thursday, Feb 26)
EVENT CINEMA & LIVE EVENTS
DER FLIEGENDE HOLLANDER
5.15pm (Tues)
BACKSTREET BOYS
7pm (Thurs)
FILMS SHOWING
**THE SECOND BEST MARIGOLD HOTEL (PG)
4.15pm (Thurs), 7.15pm (Thurs)
FIFTY SHADES OF GREY (18)
Noon (Weds), 1.30pm (Weds), 2.45pm (Fri/Sat/Sun/Weds), 3.30pm (Mon/Tues/Weds/Thurs), 5.30pm (daily), 7.15pm (not Tues/Thurs), 8.20pm (daily)
PROJECT ALMANAC (12A)
1pm (Fri/Sat/Sun/Wed), 3.30pm (daily), 6pm (daily), 8.30pm (daily)
PEPPA PIG: THE GOLDEN BOOTS (U)
10am (Fri/Sat/Sun), 11.30am (Fri/Sat/Sun), 1pm (Fri/Sat/Sun)
JUPITER ASCENDING 2D (12A)
Noon (Fri), 2.30pm, (Fri/Sat/Sun/Weds)
SHAUN THE SHEEP (U)
10am (Fri/Sat/Sun), 12.45pm (Fri/Sat/Sun), 2.30pm (Fri/Sat/Sun), 4.45pm (not Thurs)
BIG HERO 6 3D (PG)
10am (Fri/Sat/Sun), 2.45pm (Fri/Sat/Sun), 5.30pm (daily)
BIG HERO 6 2D (PG)
12.20pm (Fri/Sat/Sun)
KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE (15)
5.15pm (not Thurs), 8pm (daily)
AMERICAN SNIPER (15)
12.30pm (Weds), 4pm (Thurs), 8pm (not Thurs)
INTO THE WOODS (PG)
10.15pm (Fri/Sat/Sun)
KIDS’ CLUB
Fri-Sun 10.30am – Alexander & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (PG)
SILVER SCREEN
Wed 11.30am – Kingsman (15)
**denotes free list suspended
Box office: 01205 363634
Web: www.westendcinema.co.uk/SavoyBoston
