I’ll be honest with you from the outset, the first two entries in the Fifty Shades of Grey series are among the worst films I’ve seen.
I’ve never really bought into the story, while the dialogue between lead characters Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) and Ana Steele (Dakota Johnson) goes way beyond cringeworthy.
While there was always likely to be sex scenes aplenty – and both deserve credit for being willing to bare all on the big screen so often – I’ve also never really felt the films are as shocking or explicit as they should be.
Anyway, Fifty Shades Darker did at least leave a couple of open threads that offered the slight possibility that the final part of the trilogy, Fifty Shades Freed, could conclude the story on a slightly higher note.
Are those opportunities taken? Sadly not, as the climax of this story – if it even qualifies to be called that – drops to new lows and is easily the worst of the three films taken from EL James’ erotic books.
We hook up with billionaire bunny boiler Mr Grey and Ana at their wedding, which thankfully doesn’t take up too much of our time.
The pair are promptly whisked off to France for their honeymoon, where Christian is disheartened to see his new wife sunbathing topless on a beach full of other semi-naked women.
It’s the first time Ana ‘disobeys’ her husband and sows the seeds for the always insecure Mr Grey to eventually boil over with trademark jealously later on in the film.
But I digress. The main plot centres around the scorned Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) and his revenge mission against the leading duo.
Starting with a dreadful heist on Grey Enterprises, Hyde later engages in such dastardly acts as car chases, kidnapping and the age-old art of tying somebody to a chair (something I’m sure Christian would begrudgingly appreciate).
In a nutshell, Fifty Shades Freed wants the audience to care enough about Christian and Ana to believe that Hyde’s revenge mission against them could destroy everything they’ve worked towards in their ‘relationship’.
The problem here is that it’s hard to believe Ana would actually be foolish enough to settle down with Christian.
Sure, he’s a handsome billionaire. But he remains a jealous and emotionally unstable sadist that sees Ana going out for a drink with her mate (while a bodyguard watches on) as bad behaviour.
Simply put, I’ve never bought the chemistry between the pair on-screen and it’s hard to accept that they’re anything more than two people that like having a lot of sex.
Ah yes, I forgot to mention the sex. Once again, Fifty Shades Freed is essentially a host of sexually-fuelled sequences knitted together with woeful dialogue.
Sure, the pair look good as always. But we’ve seen it all before and there’s nothing new or shocking here.
You can almost sense Dornan cringing inwardly at some of his horrible one-liners and you feel the pair will be glad the series has reached a conclusion.
To be fair, if you enjoyed the first two films I’m sure you’ll likely lap this last shade of Grey up. It’s more of the same old stuff.
For me, Freed is a fitting name for this finale as I’m glad to be free of the worst trilogy of films I’ve ever seen at the cinema.
Voice Verdict: 3/10 (reviewed at Boston’s West End Cinema)
+ No more Fifty Shades films!
– Woeful, cringeworthy dialogue
– Ridiculous revenge ‘story’
SHOWTIMES
Boston’s West End Cinema (Fri, Feb 16 to Thurs, Feb 22)
BLACK PANTHER (12A)
2D – 11.30am (Fri-Sun), 2.30pm (Fri-Sun), 2.50pm (Mon-Thurs), 8.30pm (daily)
3D – 5.30pm (daily)
FIFTY SHADES: FREED (18)
5.30pm (daily), 7pm (daily), 8.45pm (not Mon)
THE SHAPE OF WATER (15)
3pm (daily), 5.40pm (daily), 8.20pm (daily)
THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI (15)
3pm (Tues), 4.30pm (Thurs), 5.15pm (Mon)
FATHER FIGURES (15)
9.15pm (daily)
EARLY MAN (PG)
10am (Fri/Sun), 12.30pm (Fri-Sun), 2.40pm (Fri-Sun), 4.50pm (not Thurs)
THE MAZE RUNNER: THE DEATH CURE (12A)
8.30pm (not Mon/Thurs)
STATUS UPDATE (12A)
10am (Fri-Sun)
COCO (PG)
12.30pm (Fri/Sun), 3pm (Fri-Sun)
THE GREATEST SHOWMAN (PG)
3pm (not Tues), 6pm (not Mon/Thurs)
JUMANJI: WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE (12A)
12.20pm (Fri-Sat)
DARKEST HOUR (PG)
3pm (Mon-Thurs)
TAD THE LOST EXPLORER AND THE SECRET KINGS OF MIDAS (U)
10.30am (Fri-Sun), 12.30pm (Fri-Sun)
KIDS’ CLUB
10.15am Fri-Sun – Lego Ninjago (U)
SILVER SCREEN
11.30am Weds – Three Billboards (15)
SUBTITLED SHOWING
Monday 8.45pm – Fifty Shades Freed (18)
For more titles and show times please visit www.savoyboston.co.uk or call 01205 363634
