Can you remember the last time there was a genuinely bad super-hero movie?
I appreciate the genre isn’t for everyone, but the likes of Marvel and DC have been pretty much on-point for quite some time now.
Be it any of the Avengers based films or Christopher Nolan’s incredible Dark Knight trilogy, we’ve been blessed with some real gems in one of the most popular genres of the past decade.
If I had to pick the last stinker, it’d probably be 2008’s The Incredible Hulk, the last Marvel Studios offering not to be considered part of the MCU.
I only ask beause the Fantastic Four reboot is shockingly bad by recent standards. Sure, I was aware of the negativity surrounding the return of Marvel’s first family (which is still under the Fox banner).
But I just presumed that we’ve become so used to super-hero offerings being top notch that critics and fans were simply nit-picking.
Sadly, the Four’s return couldn’t really have been much worse.
I was initially duped by the first half-hour or so, which did a decent job building up the relationship between young genius Reed Richards (Miles Teller – Divergent) and his rough and ready school buddy Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell – Jumper).
Reed manages to crack the code for interdimensional travel and gains the attention of Dr Franklin Storm (Reg E Cathey – Seven) and his adopted daughter Sue (Kate Mara – 127 Hours).
A scholarship to the Baxter Foundation follows, with Reed tasked with helping build the first-ever interdimensional travel machine. They are (rather reluctantly) joined by Sue’s brother Johnny (Michael B. Jordan – Chronicle) and the mysterious Victor Von Doom (Toby Kebbell – Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes).
Sure enough, they achieve their lofty goal, only for government bigwigs to rain on the parade in a bid to hand over the machine to NASA.
The group (well, Victor, Reed and Johnny) decide that’s not going to fly – and fire up the machine amid their drunken rage. Ben, from nowhere, also bags a ride.
If you’re a fan of the originals, you’ll know what happens next. The trip to “Planet Zero” doesn’t quite go to plan and an incident leaves them all (and Sue, despite her not being there) with differing super-powers.
Suffice to say, one of the crew (I’m sure you can’t guess who) decides to use his ridiculously over-powered abilities to savagely attack earth, meaning the “Fantastic Four” must come together in a bid to stop him.
As I mentioned above, it’s not great stuff. Three of the key elements to every good super-hero movie are sadly lacking. For starters, the visuals are bang average – 2007’s Rise Of The Silver Surfer arguably looked better.
It’s also not funny in the slightest and there is little or no rapport between the team.
Throw in a terrible villain (he looks ridiculous) and you’ve got a horrible hat-trick.
It’s a real shame, as there’s some top acting talent here.
But I, for one, hope Fox might let Marvel buy back the Fantastic Four rights before they consign them to the super-hero scrap heap.
Voice Verdict: 5/10
+ Solid enough start…
– …but that’s badly wasted
– Bland visuals
– Not funny
– Woeful villain
SHOWTIMES
Boston’s West End Cinema (Fri, Aug 14 to Thurs, Aug 20)
**THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E (12A)
10am (daily), 12.30pm (daily), 3pm (daily), 5.30pm (daily), 8pm (daily)
**TRAINWRECK (15)
5.45pm (daily), 8.30pm (daily)
FANTASIC FOUR (12A)
10am (not Wed), 1pm (daily), 3.15pm (daily), 6pm (daily), 8.30pm (daily)
**PIXELS 3D (12A)
10.20am (daily), 3.30pm (daily), 8.30pm (daily)
**PIXELS 2D (12A)
1pm (daily), 6pm (daily)
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: ROGUE NATION (12A)
5.30pm (daily), 8.20pm (daily)
INSIDE OUT 3D (U)
10am (daily), 2.45pm (daily)
INSIDE OUT 2D (U)
12.20pm (daily)
MINIONS 2D (U)
12.30pm (not Wed), 2.45pm (daily)
KIDS’ CLUB
Fri-Thurs 10.30am –
Cinderella (U)
SILVER SCREEN
Wed 11.30am – Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation (12A)
** free list suspended
SHOWTIMES
South Holland Centre (Fri, Aug 14 to Thurs, Aug 20)
INSIDE OUT 2D (U)
10.30am (Fri/Mon), 11am (Sat/Wed), 2pm (Sat/Sun/Thurs), 5pm (Sun/Tues), 6.30pm (Wed)
INSIDE OUT 3D (U)
11am (Tues)
TED 2 (15)
2pm (Wed), 4.30pm (Mon), 6.30pm (Thurs), 7.30pm (Sat/Tues), 8pm (Fri)
LOVE AND MERCY (12A)
2pm (Tues), 7.30pm (Mon)
